A Bottle of Tears

Grief. Depression. Betrayal. Anger. Curled into a fetal position, sobbing, unable to catch a breath…we have all been there. At one time or another, circumstances outside our control have beaten us down, and we feel as though there is no light at the end of the tunnel, and the darkness that has encompassed our lives feels permanent. Our hearts cry out for someone, anyone, to hold us and tell us everything will be okay, even though we are sure it will not be at that moment.

Where do you turn when you cannot see your way out? To whom do you turn? For me, it is my husband and mother. Both of their arms are safe havens for me to pour out my heart, and both point me back to the One who matters most – Jesus. Why? Because, in the end, He is the One who sees the entire truth of the matter. My grief is a fact. Everything that led to my heartbreak is a fact. But let us be clear. Most of the time, when we suffer heartache, it is due to interpersonal relationships, whether with a friend, family member, or coworker, and we do not always see the truth behind what is going on in their lives that results in a fractured relationship. There is a flip side to every story, and our grief gives precedence to our emotions.

The beautiful thing about Jesus is that He sees the entirety of the picture – the motives and actions that broke my heart. There is no doubt that I, too, played a role, but in the moment, all I can feel is the wrong done to me, and those wrongs are felt by those who love me most – my husband and children. However, it is not all about me. Life rarely is. We were not meant to live in a vacuum, but in community, and only Christ can see each member's heartache. He alone can mend not just my brokenness, but the fractured pieces of those around me.

How much does Jesus care about our brokenness? The Word of God tells us in Psalm 56:8,

“You have taken account of my wanderings; put my tears in Your bottle, are they not written in Your book?”

When David was in a place of despair over being captured by his enemies, depression sought to bind him. Fear overshadowed him. Yet from this place, David acknowledges that God sees and notes his desperation that left him aimlessly wandering like a fugitive. Often, it seems as though we run from the grace of God instead of to it, as a fugitive from grace, content to allow offense to grow instead of recognizing in others the brokenness I find in myself. Yet, despite my introspection and self-focus, the Lord Jesus is watching and collecting every tear. Not just mine, but those of a community at war with itself. The number is vast, and He holds them all. He knows the truth behind every falling tear and notes it in heaven.

I was recently in such a place when the Lord reminded me of this truth. As I poured out my heart to the Lord, I asked Him what He would do with my tears. After all, a collection of tears from across the globe and all of time is beyond the scope of my imagination, but in my flesh, I was only concerned with my own. The Lord asked me: “Do you want me to judge your tears or redeem them?”

"You have taken account of my wanderings; put my tears in Your bottle, are they not in Your book?" Ps. 56:8

In that moment, I knew the Lord was asking what I wanted Him to do with the hurt and betrayal that caused my hurting heart. The Lord was inviting me into truth, not just the facts as I knew them or perceived them to be. I knew in that moment if I asked Him to pour out my tears in judgment, that because He is the God of Truth, I would have to be included, for I, too, was culpable in what precipitated my tears – lost opportunities to repair relationships and extend grace when it was not justified. I also knew that I could ask Him to redeem those tears. To allow the Creator of the Universe to pour out my tears in a way that would redeem me and the community in which I live. I could choose to release my tears to Him, allowing Him to transform them in His timing into a river that would bring healing not just to me, but to those who have hurt me and whom I have hurt.

He poses the same question to you in your brokenness – judgment or redemption in exchange for your tears. I understand that some things in life demand God’s judgment, and unrepentant sin does not go unpunished. When faced with the repercussions of egregious acts perpetrated against us and others, the Apostle Paul tells us, “Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Rom. 12:19).

Can I encourage you to release your hurt, frustration, and anger to God, who sees and knows all? His mercy and grace hold you, and His love that cares enough to number your tears. His love for you knows no bounds. Your tears matter to Him. Your grief poured out to Him can be a catalyst for healing, restoration, and redemption if you will but leave it in His hands. He is a God of the miraculous, and soon, you, too, will be able to join the Psalmist in declaring, “You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, that my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever” (Ps. 30:11-12).